Opinion: Anthrax attacks in sleepy Scottish villages

For quite some time now Scotland has been going down the pan. Roads seem to be crumbling into one big pot hole, everything needs a lick of paint and more and more office spaces are on the market ‘To Let’. After the oil boom of the 80s and the parasitic effect of being subordinate to London and England for 100s of years – what has Scotland got out of this union? Now to top it all off Scotland’s strive for independence has seen the arrival of biological warfare! No, I’m not being overly dramatic.

Anthrax packages have been posted to SNP constituency offices in Scotland. The first target was John Nicholson’s constituency office in Dumbartonshire last month. A heightened police presence at the Scottish Parliament has resulted.

Growing up through the oil boom has been a strange experience. Competitiveness and raw capitalism have always been the staple diet of folk in North East Scotland and when the work dries up most move on to pastures new.

However, something new is on the cards. With the recent oil downturn and the Brexit fiasco tensions have reached new levels. Loyalties have been exposed, friendships have ended and redundancies have occurred. Food banks have sprung up across Scotland and the oil boom seems to have bypassed the vast majority of Scottish people.

Instead, we can aspire to have a tin of spam and a jar of dried milk with some Kelloggs Frosties from our local food bank. The wheels have come off the Union and its deep-seated inequality has been exposed for all to see.

Is this the end of the empire that has fed so many at the trough? It feels like the over privileged little Englanders continue to have the backing of the majority of the English electorate, but the caustic effect of the union has left many in Scotland feeling betrayed. However this is not congruent with the often aggressive unionists in Scotland and now that Anthrax has become readily available to them, we are now buying Hazmat suits from Amazon by the truckload. It’s not the first time Anthrax has appeared in Scotland.

There was, of course, those government-sanctioned experiments on Gruinard Island that saw it turned into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Anthrax and Scotland seem to have a strange affiliation that goes back a long way. Whilst I worked in criminal justice I received a government email stating that we should warn drug users that heroin had been laced with Anthrax! That resulted in approximately ten deaths. Where is all of this Anthrax coming from? Is there a secret stash on Gruinard Island that we’re not privy to?

If I ever encounter a powdery substance in my dwindling hand written letters with a ‘Death to Scotland’ note attached I’ll send it straight for forensic analysis. Luckily most of my correspondence is done by email.