How to teach your kid to have more self-control and pass the marshmallow test

Parents could learn a few tricks in order to teach their kids self-control and ultimately make them able to pass the marshmallow test.

The marshmallow test is, put simply, a behaviour experiment on temptation and delayed gratification that was first performed on children in the ’60s by psychologist Walter Mischel, back then a Stanford University professor.

The test goes as follows: a kid sits in a room and a researcher offers him a marshmallow on a plate. The kid is told he will be left alone in the room for 10 to 15 minutes. If he waits for the researcher to return, he will get a second marshmallow. If he eats the marshmallow before that, he will get no other treat. For the study, 600 children were observed. Out of all of them, only around a third waited long enough for the second treat.

Flash forward 30 years later, a long-term study figured that the children who were capable of delayed gratification were more likely to have higher SAT scores, lower levels of substance abuse, smaller risk of obesity, lower stress levels and many other positive consequences.

Education and child development experts recommend these tips for parents willing to teach their children self-control, as MNN reports:

1. Take a time-out

Children of all ages could benefit from this. Toddlers and pre-schoolers might need some time in their crib or on a chair. Older kids could use some encouragement to remove themselves from the temptation source.

2. Set clear expectations

Whenever your kid has to wait for something or do something he’s not fond of, you should set the goals from the start. This way, you give him a sense of responsibility.

3. Keep the instructions simple

Educational Foundation Edutopia offers some examples for this: “Reading time is quiet time.” “Take turns with favorite toys.” “Now is the time to listen and follow directions.” Reminding children when it’s time to follow directions is also important.

4. Establish a routine

Kids aren’t always capable of telling what time is it. However, they find it easier to get accustomed to the cadence of a regular program. “When they know that story time will be followed by the outdoor play, active children may be more able to sit quietly while their teacher reads,” according to Edutopia.

5. Be a role model

Parents who can’t manage their own emotions are catalysts for children not being able to soothe their own upsets. Staying calm and being compassionate is best, as it will teach your child to do the same.

6. Offer positive reinforcement

When your kid manages to remain calm, praise him. When he is losing control, talk him down with positive words. This will teach children to create ways to talk through difficult situations in the future.

7. Make them wait

This should be done in a calm and age-appropriate way. Children who practice waiting learn to be more tolerant and to trust that waiting is better. However, when a child waits longer that he is developmentally able, he will throw a tantrum, according to Laura Markham Ph.D. Parents need to help a child overcome the anxiety on waiting by teaching them the art of self-distraction.