Fat shaming is a disease. Apologize to yourself

Body shaming stings our self-esteem and the pain doesn’t leave for long. Magazine covers, celebrity talk shows, apps that micromanage weight, parents, peers and we our self-reiterate the hurt. In today’s society, our worth is measured on a weighing scale and a counter-script feels like a sorry escape.

1.  Words can hurt for a long time

Actress Gabourey Sidibe’s recent memoir This is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare offers an honest account of what it feels like to be shamed as a plus-sized African American woman in showbiz. She spells out the humiliation she encountered when her fans felt it was okay to stuff their shirts with pillows and paint their faces black to dress up as Precious for Halloween—her character from her first film.

Words have power—but we have the power to ignore them. However, we often contribute to the prejudice that we suffer from. Thigh-gap, cheat-day, and big-boned words elbow their way into our vocabulary. We look at the mirror and see flaws than beauty; compare our body to an apple or pear; and equate being thin to being beautiful.

Kelvin Davis, founder of Notoriously Dapper, a body positive men’s fashion blog encourages people of every size, age, race, and gender to celebrate their body by being positive that their body is awesome and spreading the positivity to others.

2. You don’t know anything about the person you judge

According to child advocacy group Common Sense Media, more than 50 percent girls and 33 percent boys in age group 6 to 8 wish they were thinner. Weight gain is also a big reason why kids get bullied at school—often by other kids and many times by their teachers.

A casual comment on a person’s weight is intrusive at the very least. We must realize that each body is different and responds differently to similar levels of exercise and diet-manipulation. Teenage girls can be easy bait to thyroid, cysts in ovaries, and diabetes leading to excessive weight gain. Even boys can suffer hormonal problems and be ashamed to talk about it.

Science shows that shaming a person into coercion often backfires, resulting in eating disorders and depression. In a study of 93 women published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, overweight women exposed to weight stigmatizing information were more prone to eating out of control, compared to those in a healthier weight range.

However, body-positivity is not relevant to women alone. Clinical psychologist Raymond Lemberg has studied how 1 in 4 males are prone to eating disorders. If women are victims of anorexia under the spell of the barbie doll—men are pounded to gain weight by hulk-like superheroes in comic books and photoshopped abs in health magazines.

 3. Break the vicious circle—confront shaming head on

Fat shaming like bullying creates bullies along the way. Before you know it, you are doing it to your own sibling, to your best friend, and worst—to yourself. It could be to their face, a side-glance, or a snide comment behind their backs. It all adds up, slowly coloring the way you see the world.

 Understanding the mindset behind body shaming can help unravel the problem. Psychologists feel that caregivers may subconsciously trigger body-image issues in their kids from a very young age. Kids then carry this thinking into their teenage years when they go through many emotional and physical changes. At this time, adolescents may find it easier to target a person’s physical appearance than express what might actually be bothering them.

So, what’s the way out? Perhaps, we can start by being honest about what’s really going on in our mind. We can also start accepting the way we look and feel about our own body by being real about it. This brings us to another phrase—body neutrality—where we don’t have to force ourselves to love everything about the way we look, but can obviously do without the hate.

4. Plus size models – A positive trend

The 2015 Pirelli calendar photoshoot with Amy Schumer in her underwear began to tilt the perspective of several women across America. The photograph revealed a female celebrity with a paunch and full thighs, facing the camera in her underwear comfortably sipping coffee.

“I felt I looked more beautiful than I’ve ever felt in my life,” Schumer commented. “And I felt it looked like me.”

In 2003, Kate Winslet called out Britain’s GQ magazine for running slimmed-down versions of her. She also entered a contract with L’Oreal that disallows digital airbrushing of her images. Winslet has also been public about the shaming she’s encountered growing up. She was told she might be lucky with her acting, if she happily settled for the “fat girl parts.”

In the face of haters dismissing voluptuous women as “fat pigs, dogs, and slobs,” model Ashley Graham’s decision to go bare for V magazine is a classy statement. Her nude shots celebrate cellulite, stretch marks, and curves—encouraging women to embrace all that is natural about their body.

 5. Media value judgment versus health

Of course, health is a factor that can’t be ignored. Obesity leads to crippling health conditions just like anorexia does. Both extremes are bad.

However, the focus then should be on providing better nutrition, helping those suffering from chronic obesity, and encouraging physical activity—than shaming those who don’t meet media’s standards of beauty.

For example, Barack and Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move initiative launched in 2010 to fight childhood obesity to create a cultural shift in the way America eats through science and healthy motivation. The campaign helped secure healthier school meals and snacks for 50 million kids, highlighted the importance of eating fruit and drinking plenty water, and helped modernize nutrition facts labels on 800,000 products.

 6. What is beautiful keeps changing

Different norms of beauty continue to exist in different parts of the world and sometimes within the same country. In India, the Hindi film industry in Bombay continues to chase the size-zero norm, mimicking western standards of beauty—while the film industry further south in Tamil Nadu celebrates voluptuous women with soft, womanly curves.

The fashion industry too, the world over, promotes new standards of ideal beauty every couple of decades. Women and men chase after these fake standards, punishing the outliers and themselves.

The perfect body-type during the Italian Renaissance celebrated full-figured women. Being thin back then was equivalent to being poor. Tiny waits were forced upon women through corsets that often lead to damaged ribs during the Victorian era England. 1920’s America ushered in an androgynous look, promoting a flat chest, contrary to fuller breasts today.

History and science confirm that body shaming is only a form of control. The sooner we realize it—the happier we will be—irrespective of the pounds we gain or lose.