Opinion: Giving when giving is hard

A common complaint among majority members in a climate of increasing divides between classes is predicated upon the idea that in order to be deserving of praise and support, the disenfranchised must be genial and compliant. This raises important questions about the motivation behind charity and giving.

Take a look at the models for charity and selflessness in society. Religious figures, philanthropists, and those who truly believe in sharing with others the opportunities that afforded them their success are not always awarded the same accolades and positive attention in the press and in the court of public opinion. Still, those most virtuous among them have learned an important lesson about the nature of charity: that its merit doesn’t rest on any guaranteed return, and in fact may even be the cause of backlash – but true, unadulterated charity and support is a meritorious act in and of itself.

When Charity is Unappreciated

When donating your time and energy, expecting that you will be met with thanks and praise isn’t always reasonable. Indeed, several religious traditions contend that the highest form of charity is double-blind, where the giver doesn’t know to whom their money will be sent, and the receiver doesn’t know who made the donation.

Still, we often give of ourselves in ways that we want appreciation for. A homemade meal, a genuine compliment are hard to continue giving when it feels like we are being taken for granted. We take on these extra tasks for the ones we care for, and one of the hardest things for us to do is to weigh the merit of continuing to act on behalf of others without “keeping score”.

One of the easiest ways to reconcile this account is to remember that not all you give may be repaid to you directly or immediately. A chore completed for a partner at home may result in their next day being less stressful, thus making that day better. Helping a colleague in a tough situation may not come around for years, or may be in the form of another person they take in when they are more capable.

When Support is Misdirected

Occasionally, we find ourselves looking in on a group or a cause and wanting to give them our time without understanding exactly how they feel our time could be best spent. It could, for example, be with the best of intentions that you bring in food for a sick patient, but without understanding the dietary needs of their condition, they may not be better off for having the meal prepared outside the monitoring conditions of their caregivers.

In these situations, careful reevaluation of your strategy is necessary. An infirm patient might be better served by household chores taken care of. A political ideology might be better served by giving their ideas a platform, rather than simply parroting them; or may very well need a powerful enfranchised spokesperson. In each case, referring your concern as directly as possible to the person whose needs you wish to serve will give you better answers, and leave less of the effects of your work up to chance.

When generosity is unwanted

Very rarely, we meet someone who is skeptical of, or outright hostile to a charitable endeavor. This can happen for several reasons, but unless there have been specific and severe or repeated incidences of misconduct in the past, this is likely not personal. In those cases, you should not expect a guarantee of reparations, and if the situation can be improved, understand that it will take time, ongoing effort, and may be subject to many further mistakes and failures. Some mistakes can’t be amended, and others will dredge up those that are more severe.

This does not, however, mean that you should be dissuaded from offering unmotivated support, though you may have to work at it from a different angle. If someone has a personal problem with you, for example, consider donating to a cause you know matters to them instead, without necessarily claiming credit for the donation. Put that positive energy and whatever you are willing to contribute forward, and do not allow hostility to impede your progress.

At the end of the day, we all win together when we support each other. With only one greater habitat, and one shared living space, we only collectively afford so much animosity. Continuing to give of ourselves and improve both our overall productivity and our personal equity brings us all closer and closes the gaps keeping us apart.