Journaling fame while healing from anxiety

For a decade, interviewing celebrities and newsmakers was part of my life. So were crippling anxiety and panic attacks which led to an odyssey of hospitalizations, medications, therapy and ultimately, healing.

Go with me for a moment… imagine maintaining a thriving career as a celebrity profiler, conducting in-depth interviews with hundreds of the world’s biggest newsmakers, while navigating an anxiety disorder so severe that you’ve grown accustomed to penciling in celebrity and political interviews in between ER visits and taking tranquilizers for a few momentary breathers.

Do I have your attention? Good, because I want to talk about a topic that is grossly misunderstood and not covered nearly enough in the media, but one that effects 40 million Americans, alone. I spent a decade as a successful syndicated entertainment, pop culture and political journalist who landed more than 200 in-depth celebrity interviews. Yay for me! But guess what else? I had also spent the better part of my life, on and off since the age of eight, battling with some pretty severe anxiety, panic and OCD; not so yay for me.

In my book, Journaling Fame: A Memoir of a Life Unhinged and on the Record, I go into great detail about how I suffered in embarrassment and isolation throughout much of my adolescence, young adulthood and even into my thirties. “No one can know I am having a panic attack,” I would think to myself. “How mortifying!” I would do my best to carry on in social situations while suffering in silence. The reason my book weaves in and out through my many celebrity encounters throughout my journalism career, and my intimate portrait of life with an anxiety disorder, is because I want to reach the person out there who may steer clear of self help books or books on mental health. Perhaps many of you will want to pick up my book to read the celebrity and entertainment stories. You will gain more than you’ve bargained for as you learn about the importance of mental and emotional health. Nothing would make me happier.

I de-mystify and de-stigmatize anxiety disorders, panic attacks, OCD and the fallout of depression that oftentimes wreaks havoc on the anxiety sufferer. Anxiety disorders, in my humble opinion, have become a major health crisis in the U.S. Don’t believe me? Read the statistics on how many Americans take benzodiazepines and SSRI drugs. According to ScientificAmerican.com, “Adults in the U.S. consumed four times more antidepressants in the late 2000s than they did in the early 1990s. As the third most frequently taken medication in the U.S., researchers estimate that 8 to 10 percent of the population is taking an antidepressant.” A 2010 Forbes article states, “Doctors write nearly 50 million prescriptions for Xanax or alprazolam (the generic equivalent) every year – that’s more than one Xanax prescription every second.”

My book, Journaling Fame, tells the story, my story, of an extreme dichotomy that had been my life for so many years: insightful journalist by day, petrified anxiety sufferer by night. You get my point. I wanted to illustrate this rich and extreme contrast, and to show people just how different my external life was from what was going on inside. I also share the tools and techniques I have learned, and wisdom gained through this journey. Although slightly more common in women, anyone can develop an anxiety disorder in adolescence, early adulthood, in mid-life, or even in the autumn of life. It doesn’t discriminate by age or by socio-economic status.

On the surface my career was exciting and glamorous: meetings with the Kardashians, 50 Cent, Dave Chappelle, Ron Paul, Mike Tyson, Michelle Rodriguez, Shaquille, O’Neal, Stan Lee, Elle Macpherson, Kristin Chenoweth… the list goes on. I had Oscar and Grammy winners, senators and congressmen calling me at home. It was heady stuff for a middle class girl from Long Island. But I lived with this strange, scary and somewhat mysterious monkey on my back for as long as I can remember. It all came to a frightening head in 2012 when I was hospitalized multiple times for severe anxiety and panic attacks that rendered me non-functional.

Through trial and error with various medications, different methods of therapy and counseling (cognitive/behavioral, analytical, new age), self-help techniques and my own spiritual studies, I healed and set about writing my book to share my story with the world. After years of embarrassment and shame, I have never held my head higher than I do these days after writing this book and giving interviews about this subject matter.

At the age of 42, and after asking for most of my life, “God, why me?” I will never ask that question again, because I now know the answer. By using my life and my book as a platform, I have been doing press and speaking to people all over the world to share my story in hopes of de-stigmatizing anxiety disorders and reaching the millions of people out there who are living with anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, OCD, panic attacks or any sort of emotional distress.

I want my book to offer people the comfort, insight and education I’ve gained about this topic. As a frame of reference, celebrities who have all publicly admitted to suffering from chronic anxiety issues include: Lena Dunham, Kendall Jenner, Amanda Seyfried, Emma Stone, Chris Evans, John Mayer, Sarah Silverman, Johnny Depp, and Jennifer Lawrence; and these are just the people who have been open about the subject. I want my message to turn on the lights and turn off the stigma.

In my book, I also share how speaking with and interviewing people like Deepak Chopra, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Russell Simmons and others helped me to gain profound insights that also aided in my healing. I share those conversations with readers as well.

“Journaling Fame: A Memoir of a Life Unhinged and on the Record” is available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.