Opinion: Male fidelity is not just idealistic, it’s a complete delusion

The man, the wedding, the children, the family dream. Many women spend their early lives in search of the perfect exclusive package, quite unprepared for the reality that their boyfriends or husbands will be on the prowl before they’ve changed their maiden names.

When it comes to the expectation of fidelity held by the majority of women regarding the men they date and marry, the German expression ‘Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt’ (hope dies last) could not be more pertinent. Despite the myriad tales of infidelity that abound in the media and on the personal grapevine there is a clear unwillingness to believe that it could strike even closer to home. “But my husband loves and respects me. He’d never stray.” The stark reality is that partner love and infidelity coexist more frequently than women care to acknowledge. How respect fits into the equation is a question for personal contemplation.

The British are swift to sneer at the arrangement of many French couples whereby women turn a blind eye to their partners’ infidelities, perhaps enjoying some extra-curricular activity of their own. It simply doesn’t fit with the traditional notion of exclusive love and sexuality. The fact is that infidelity knows no boundaries, geographic or otherwise.

Since my engagement ended two years ago I have been stunned by the number of partnered and married men prowling on my doorstep. Not only do they have absolutely no qualms about their own behaviour they assume that I don’t either. Time and again I find myself supporting the sisterhood by rejecting their advances which, unsurprisingly, serves only to intensify their pursuit. Oh, how we always want what we can’t have. Greedy men want to have their cake, and eat it too.

On one hand, I feel slightly sorry for the male species, dominated as they appear to be by their visceral libidos. Yet we consciousness-possessing humans are different from the rest of the animal kingdom; we do have the ability to control our urges, however intensely we might experience them. All choices have consequences and it’s shocking how many men are surprised when their partners break off relationships which have culminated in betrayal and deception.

Yet this article has not been written to depress the female reader. Rather it should serve as a warning to anyone under the illusion that there is a man out there who will/can remain faithful beyond the honeymoon period. On this basis, ladies can prepare themselves for the discovery that they are not the sole recipients of their partners’ attention and consider in advance how they will respond when the evidence presents. Although the immediate reaction might be to walk away the next man is just as likely to behave in the very same way.

Perhaps it’s time for women to start thinking about whether they are getting everything they need out of their relationships and, if not, whether remaining unfulfilled out of a sense of unreciprocated loyalty is really in their best interests.