Adopted children – do they really need to know the truth?

These days, most experts believe that it is best that children are told from an early age that they are adopted and given whatever information their adopted parents might have about the birth parents. Knowing this is the best thing to do and actually doing it can be very hard for many adoptive parents though.

Years ago, it was the common wisdom that a child not be told that they were adopted and that they should integrate completely with their adopted family. You still see stories in the newspapers and on TV about children finding out decades later that they were adopted and setting off on a search for their birth parents that may or may not prove successful.

These days, most experts believe that it is best that children are told from an early age that they are adopted and given whatever information their adopted parents might have about the birth parents. Knowing this is the best thing to do and actually doing it can be very hard for many adoptive parents though.

When is the Right Time to Tell a Child They are Adopted?

One very difficult aspect of dealing with telling a child that they were adopted is choosing the right age. One common thing that adoptive parents do is keep putting off the moment because they decide that their child is not ready yet or will not fully understand.

That may be true if a child is three or four and so choosing to remain quiet at that point is just fine. However once a child begins to become curious about things like where babies come from they probably have enough reasoning and understanding skills to handle the basics about their origins.

Many children who were adopted but did not discover that fact until they were older, often in their teens, talk about feelings that they had for years that there was something that they were not being told, that they were different from their siblings and that these feelings adversely affected their lives. This is the last thing any parent would want for their child so the fact that they do need to be told about the fact that they are adopted early on really is a must.

What Should Young Children Be Told About Adoption?

Deciding just how much of the truth a younger child can handle can be a difficult call for adoptive parents as well. These days parents often know a lot more about their adoptive child’s birth parents than in years gone by but it can still be hard to decide just how much information they really need to share right away.

Most experts agree that young children really only need to know very basic things to begin with. The fact that they were born to different parents is a good starting place and then explaining the reasons why the adoptive parents chose to adopt the child should come next.

After that some children will have a lot of questions right away while others might seem pretty disinterested in the idea. The best thing to do is to answer the questions as well as possible as a child asks them rather than flooding them with too much information at once.

As a child gets older parents can expect that their questions will become more direct and specific and they will want to know more about the details of their other family. Sometimes adoptive parents get rather upset by the interest and will evade some of the questions or react badly to others. This however is not good for anyone so trying to answer these queries as calmly and rationally as possible is a must.

As adoption is becoming more widely accepted many parents make plans – and get help right from the start – about how and when they will discuss the fact that they were adopted with their child. Doing this can be very helpful for everyone involved, including any surviving birth parents.

Whatever the situation is if adoptive parents are having difficulties with the issue of telling their child they are adopted seeking help from experts, especially other adoptive parents, can be very helpful and is something that should be considered rather than continuing to avoid the issue until it is too late.