Bouncing back from failure

Failure is inevitable. Feelings of failure can take many forms; being emotionally or romantically rejected, being fired from a job etc. My point is; failure is relative. Once failure has taken place, we often feel disheartened. It can be hard not to let failure affect your self-esteem and confidence.

Typically, after experiencing failure, we sometimes expect what will come next. Our behaviour and attitude may become sluggish. We may lounge around for a few days with no real motivation to do anything which will benefit us practically. But, over time, we acknowledge that this instance was just a minor set back. And then we continue on as normal, right?

Let’s look into this a little deeper…

The psychologytoday website talks about what can be referred to as the winning effect. When animals (humans included), succeed in something our brains release testosterone and dopamine. It then goes on to suggest that if this becomes a repetitive routine it can adapt the brain to become smarter and more confident. Moreover, we would be more likely to succeed.

But how do we respond to failure?

Several studies exist which explains how we respond to failure. More specifically, the psychologytoday website have examples of these and also mentions how research suggests our concentration can be negatively impacted as a result.

One example mentioned shows the negative impacts on students when told they had failed. Students who were told they had failed in comparison to their peers later displayed worse reading comprehension.

Another study in which this site mentions explains how dieters were fed pizza. The participants were then convinced that they had ruined their daily diet goal and consequently, ate 50% more cookies.

So once we’ve experienced failure, and our brain can register how awful it can make us feel, we may lack encouragement to even try. We can develop a tendency to live in a ‘safety bubble.’ After all, how can we ever fail if we never try?

Here is a quote to counteract that argument: A ship is safe in the harbour. But that is not what ships are for.

When tough times come around we often find ourselves looking up to those we believe to be ‘stronger’ than us; we desire to have that strength. We may gawp at their success in hopes that their energy will rub off on us. Or maybe by watching their life, we’re experiencing the success that we’re too fearful to even grasp.

Steve Jobs done a speech at Stanford University. Before watching this speech, I must admit, I didn’t know a lot about him. I knew he created Apple. I knew he dropped out of college. But I wasn’t aware of the ‘failure’ he endured before reaching his destination.

At the beginning of this speech Steve made it clear he was going to tell three stories which were entitled; Connecting the dots, Love and loss, and Death.

In his first story, Connecting the dots, he speaks of how lost he felt in college. Within six months he stopped attending required classes and instead only attended those of which sparked his interest. However, he concludes this story by saying how you can only connect the dots looking backwards, not in the midst of all the confusion.

His second story, Love and lost explains how he was lucky to find what he loved at a young age. Steve and his friend Woz started Apple in his parents garage. Within 10 years the company grew into a $2 billion company. However, things took a turn as he was fired. Not only this, but he was fired while under the public eye. Despite this very public rejection he knew that he still loved what he did. This lead to other victories, which he claims wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t face that set back.

His third story, entitled ‘Death’, talks of his diagnosis of Cancer. The doctor told him to go home and get his ‘affairs in order.’ Later on that day he had a biopsy whereby they withdrew cells from the tumor. He mentions how his wife recall the doctors crying; this was a rare type of cancer which he could get surgery for. He did indeed, get the surgery. Here is a rather eye opening quote from this section of his speech:

‘Almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.’

This video had quite the impact on me. I asked myself: why do I worry about such stupid things? Why am I so hard on myself when I ‘fail’?

So we’re aware of the behaviours and thought processes triggered by what we perceive to ‘failures.’ But what about on the flip side? What actions are provoked by success? Or what actions help contribute to success?

• This seems to be an idea that floats around the internet that many people like to pretend doesn’t exist: waking up early. According to the keep inspiring website it goes further to mention that it can be beneficial to avoid any screens or lights one hour before bedtime. It says how it affects our melatonin production, which is the hormone responsible for sleep.
• Ambition. Stop thinking small! Sometimes we think of the most wildly optimistic circumstances without genuinely acknowledging that it could work out.
• Focus on you. It doesn’t matter what your peers are doing or how well you think they’re doing. Everyone’s life journey is different. By prioritizing your plan to success above peering over your friends shoulders to see how well their doing, you may find your vision becomes a little clearer.

Perhaps rather than seeing failure as a wall blocking your dreams and brightest visions, view it as the stepping stone needed to bring you on to your next great adventure. And remember; not all adventures are smooth going. The best adventures can be messy, fun-filled stories of which we can use to empower others when it comes to defeating our failures.