How to Sabotage Your Life: Anxiety Edition (Yes, I’m Talking About You)

Have you ever thought of something really exciting to do, made the plans with your fellow thrill-seekers, arrive at said activity and suddenly – “I can’t do it”? Have you ever been the adventurer that had a friend that “can’t do it”? Either way, this one’s for you.

What is anxiety?

Well, I’m no doctor, but I’m definitely an expert on anxiety and what it does to you. Anxiety is, according to Webster’s dictionary, the “fear or nervousness about what might happen”. If this doesn’t happen to you, I know you’re thinking, how ridiculous?! Why spend your time worrying about things that might not even happen? I KNOW! I totally agree, however it’s much easier said than done. Before we talk about what you can do to control your anxiety attacks, let’s look at what we know.

How does anxiety affect the quality of your life?

Sounds pretty serious now, doesn’t it? Well, it is. Could you imagine what life would be like if you were able to live in the moment? I’m talking about truly blocking out all of yesterday, the wonders of tomorrow, and the possibilities of the next 35 seconds. How much more enjoyable would a day at the beach be if you didn’t worry about what’s in the ocean, or a hike in the woods if you didn’t worry about what might be beyond your eyesight? Can’t answer it? I can tell you. You’d be truly enjoying and living your life the way that your meant to. You’re meant to completely immerse yourself in your experiences and hold onto the memory of them, not the memory of your anxiety attack because you couldn’t make it in the water.

Adventuring aside, anxiety affects your life everyday, more than you may be aware of. Have you ever found yourself saying “I’d like to try that, but I don’t think I’d be good at it,” or, “It looks like a lot of fun, but it’s just not for me?” This could be about anything, and especially includes your dreams and passions. Whether it’s because someone doubts your ability, you think it’s too late in your life to start, or you just don’t think anyone will enjoy your craft, you are wrong. That’s anxiety speaking, back to control your life! How sad would it be to tell your grandchildren, “I never did write that book that’s been mulling in my brain for years..I never did go sky diving, no matter how many times I thought I should’ve.. I never did apply for medical school, no matter how interested I was in biology?” I challenge you to another thought. You will have anxiety regardless of the outcome of whatever situation it is that you’re in, right? Now, weigh out the possible results of the “do” and “don’t”. For example, if I do write my book, I’d be so ashamed if it is never published, or if no one is interested in reading it.” Now, what if you don’t write it? Would you feel ashamed that you had these ideas bottled inside of you and you never gave it a try? What if you inspired even one single person? Wouldn’t that be worth it? Anxiety says no, but we know the real answer.

What about your career? If you are honest with yourself, would you be able to say that you like what you do? Would you be able to say that you truly followed your dreams? Most people wouldn’t. It’s much easier to succumb to the fear of what people tell you you’re capable of, what statistics say, the skills that you possess, or rather, lack. Take a moment to think of someone that you’d consider successful. How do you think they got there? Is it because their counselor told them that there’s a 95% chance they’d be doing what they’re doing today, or is it because they took a chance and didn’t let the fear of “what if” cloud their vision? I think we both know the answer.

Let’s think more simply for a moment. What about who you are? Do you love yourself, fearlessly and unapologetically? Do you allow yourself to be the quirky and weird self that you are deep down? Yes, we all have that person! How boring would it be if we didn’t, am I right? We are all, inherently, influenced by our surroundings, at least a little bit. That goes without saying. But, where’s the thin line between inherently influenced by our surroundings, and a product of our environment? I’ll tell you. You become a product of your environment when you allow people to tell you what you’re good at, what you look good in, or how you should cut your hair. You allow yourself to become a product of your environment when you take what others tell you as fact, instead of as an opinion that you CHOOSE to either let resonate and turn into positive feedback, or dispose of. Anxiety does a wonderful job of making the prior possible, without thinking much about it (no pun intended).

Okay, we get it. So, what’s a gal to do?

We need to work at retraining our brain. Sounds exhausting, I know, but it’s a process and you’ll be happy you did it.

Step 1: Figure out your trigger

Some people, not all, have something that triggers their anxiety. This could be anything within the five senses. If you’re able to figure out what it is, identify it and destroy it! Some common triggers are: too much time to think, lack of goal setting, health, or news. Whichever it is, do something to stop it. Pick up a new hobby so you have less time to think, read inspiring books to motivate your goals, tackle your health issues by eating better and exercising, or watch less news and more feel-good content.

If you can’t identify a trigger, it’s okay (I can’t either), move straight to step 2.

Step 2: “Is this Productive?”

While you’re experiencing anxiety, really hone in on what the worry is and ask yourself, “is this productive or solvable?” This means, figure out if your worry really has any concrete solution right now. If you’re about to lose your house, you could go to your bank and discuss re-financing your mortgage. This is a productive worry. Going to the bank and discussing the re-financing of your mortgage is the productivity of the worry. Once you’ve gone to the bank, you must put this worry to rest until it’s necessary to revisit it. If your worry is not productive or solvable, you need to instead embrace your feelings. Sound impossible? It’s not. It’s common to think that we should always be rational and that our feelings should always make sense. Unfortunately, and fortunately, we are humans, not robots. Life isn’t always smooth sailing — and what a bore fest if it were.

Step 3: Accept the uncertainty

I KNOW, it’s practically a curse word to our anxiety polluted brains, but don’t freak out! Hear me out. Think about someone that goes sky diving, travels alone to a foreign country, or quits their jobs and becoming amazingly successful in something else. Do you think that they were uncertain? Of course they were! Yes, they had doubts, and fears, and endless amounts of “what-if’s”. But, they had a choice. Either, allow the uncertainty to consume you, or accept it. Now, let’s consider the sky diver. Would the jump be so exhilarating if there wasn’t any uncertainty, or would it be more like the kiddy-rides in the amusement park? Right. I thought so, too. Accept the uncertainty. You don’t control or know everything – and that’s okay.

Step 4: Practice mindfulness

Okay, so you’ve accepted the uncertainty, but the thoughts are still lingering in your hypothalamus? Just stop thinking, period. I’m kidding. Acknowledge, observe, let go. That’s the mantra. I know it’s almost impossible (i say almost because i’m no genius) to just rid yourself of your anxious thoughts. Instead, acknowledge that they’re there. Trying to not think about your thoughts is actually showing them more attention than if you were to just acknowledge them. Once you acknowledge the thoughts presence, observe it as though you are someone else. Stick with me, here. Imagine you’re an outsider hearing this worry for the first time. Don’t judge or react to it. Just observe. Now, let it go. You have to tell yourself “Yeah okay, I hear you anxiety, but we can talk about this some other time, or not. I heard what you had to say.” Be sure to be mindful of your fluttering thoughts going back to that same worry and, as if you had your “present” self on a leash, pull yourself back to the now and let yourself be present.

For those of you that took the time to read this, I thank you, not only on the behalf of myself, but others that experience these feelings. Please be mindful of the way you treat people and the things you say to them because you don’t know what bearing it has. Remember, the way you treat others, says everything about who you are.

Now, get to living!