7 ways to block toxic people at work

They are in your workplace, in your circle of friends, and probably in your own family. Toxic people are everywhere and they know how to parasite their way into other people’s lives. Like a useless app occupying precious real estate on your smartphone—they’re mighty good at draining your battery.

You can delete an app with a single swipe of the finger, but ridding yourself of toxic people isn’t as easy as you think. With some of these deflective devices, however, you can learn to toxic-proof yourself.

1. Why are toxic people such a big problem?

You might know people who say horrible things behind others’ backs and enjoy dumping their emotions on friends who choose to listen. They rarely have their anger in check, know how to make a big deal out of small things, and want others to perpetually feel sorry for them.

If you know any of these people—you are dealing with a garden variety of toxics. Trust me—you are better of without them—especially in the workplace where your productivity and reputation is at stake.

2. How do you sniff out toxic people?

Thank god for The Office, you can get a crash-course on noxious people in the workplace while sitting in your own living room. When you join a new job, figuring out the good guys from the bad can take a while. But, take your own sweet time before jumping to any conclusions.

Be careful around colleagues that go out of their way to act extra nice toward you. Block your ears when people start filling you in with information you have no business knowing. And of course, be wary of the scheming few who try to indulge in office gossip—needling you to talk—trying to color your opinion about people and projects.

Most likely, the ones trying to please you want something from you in return. And the gossip-mongers will certainly use your information to make a case against you behind your back.

3. Can’t you simply look the other way?

Not really—cause when you are surrounded by toxics—most of your energy will be spent trying to dodge traps laid out for you. Even in the plant world, parasites that survive on the food synthesized by other plants need to be weeded out.

In an office, toxic people that fall into the category of bullies, tantrum queens/kings, compulsive liars, and passive-aggressors—are relatively easy to detect. When they are involved, there will be long-drawn email chains, more-drama-less work, and constant blame shifting.

Then, there is another breed of toxics that will make themselves apparent to everyone in due time. Allow these toxics to expose themselves.

They might expect you to needlessly put in extra hours of work. They will often demonstrate extreme mood swings. Or they’ll play the micro-manager, hovering over your computer screen telling you how to do your work. Your colleagues will eventually learn to avoid this irritant. Just remember to follow suit. This is not the place to feel sorry for a problem-creator.

While dealing with family or friends—you can easily block nefarious people by avoiding their calls or coming up with creative excuses. However, at work you can’t avoid talking to or cooperating with some of these people. You’ll meet them in the doorway, at the coffee machine, during the lunch hour, in the boardroom, or worse—one of these could be your boss.

Always try to keep your communication on-point with them. If possible, try and communicate on email as much as possible. If you are working on a project together, talk to them in detail to get clarity on what you are supposed to do and then stick to the script. If you have a good work ethic and have a cordial relationship with most of your colleagues—toxic people won’t be able to turn others against you.

However, remember that drama is always a toxic’s weapon. Don’t get affected by their irritability or cower when they raise their voice. Remember to cut the conversation short every time they try to waste your time. If things get really nasty—take up the issue with your superior. But, watch your back. If the company’s management has supported a bully in the past—you’ll be the one asked to leave.

4. It’s all about setting boundaries

When a child throws a temper tantrum because he/she wants more candy—caregivers try to set a boundary for the benefit of the child. If they give into the emotional blackmail, the child will continue to use the same tactic to get what he/she wants. In the case of adults, we need to establish the same boundary. Just keep one thing in mind—adults unlike kids are hardwired in their crooked ways and are not likely to change.

Bullies and manipulative people are not interested in helping others. Instead they derive pleasure from dominating others and toying with people’s emotions. They act the way they do cause they can. Boundaries are therefore sacred to protect yourself from harm’s way.

Whether it’s setting up your work station where the toxic does not venture, facing the other way if you are forced to sit close-by, avoiding small-talk, taking your lunch out to a park, or simply kicking the irritant out of your mind—you’ll be better for it.

5. Why are some people easy bait while others not?

Negative people use fear as bait to get others to do what they want them to do. People who are secure don’t second-guess their opinions—whether it’s at home with their partners or while taking executive-decisions in the boardroom. They keep their mind clutter-free and do not fall for emotional traps.

Learn from some of these positive role-models in your life. Learn to ward off silly insults, never feed a narcissist’s ego, stay clear of those who wallow in self-pity, and always keep bullies in check. When faced with a toxic situation try to focus on resolving the issue as quickly as possible. When cornered by a toxic person—confront the problem-creator head-on and don’t fear calling his/her bluff out.

Sometimes toxic people are more chameleon-like. They may pretend to be your best friend but might strangely be curious about everything going on in your personal life. At work, such people might compliment you on a dress you are wearing or a promotion. Don’t get carried away by fake appreciation and open up to them. It’s a trap.

If you observe how these people behave with others, you’ll be able to see right through their tricks. Try to figure out their ulterior motive, especially when their compliments seem insincere. However, when it comes to everyday situations at work—keep paranoia away. Overthinking trivialities can put seeds of suspicion in your mind where none should exist.

6. How do you keep yourself toxic-free forever?

Here’s a simple rule in life. Whenever you allow distractions to take center-stage in life—they will. Know that no one has the power to take your mind away from what is most important for you. If your career, your spouse, and your child are most precious and you see that you’re slipping toward people or thoughts that can cause harm—it’s really your own fault.

If people who don’t have your best interests in their hearts easily sway your thinking—you need to be aware of your gullibility. Also, when you get time to reflect, know that your social circle needs some active spring-cleaning. Re-examine your relationships, focusing on the actions than the words of your friends who love to parade their affection for you.

One way to remain calm and watchful is by meditating or simply taking a walk in the park after a long day. Remember, you need time off work to be able to understand what’s really going on at it.

Another way to remain emotionally resilient is by surrounding yourself with positive people. If your office is a bad place to find them, you can always meet a friend who works close to your workplace. Get a quick drink once your day wraps up and use him/her as a soundboard to get an objective opinion.

7. Don’t Get Tricked Into Believing It’s Your Fault

Finally, remember that toxic people are like weeds that will start growing whenever and wherever they find soil to grow. The best of us can easily get deceived into believing that pushing a toxic person out of our life is our own fault.

This is only cause most regular folks prefer to avoid dramatic situations. But, when others constantly barge into our space, creating unnecessary problems, it gets exhausting to say “no” over and over again. If you understand that rationalizing the behavior of a toxic person is simply giving them authority to abuse you—you will not cave in.

People who are kind and conscientious feel bad when they are forced to say mean things to others. They expect others to be in check of their behavior. However, life isn’t fair and certainly not the behavior of troublemakers. So, watch out when your guilt starts creeping up on you. And never accord blame to yourself for mishandling a situation with a dramatic person.

To begin with, however, learn to trust that queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach when you meet someone new. That’s your gut and it was put in place for your own protection.