Is your spouse cheating?

The suspicion that your spouse may be having an affair can fill you with anxiety and stress. There are many behaviors that may indicate he/she is having an affair. While we highlight some of these behaviors here, they do not necessarily mean your spouse is being unfaithful.

Adultery usually leaves tell-tale signs whether manifested in changes in routines, diet, finances, sexual interaction or other behaviors. If your intuition is telling you that he/she may be being unfaithful this list may help you decide if it’s time to get some hard evidence:

1. Style and wardrobe changes

A sudden change is a hairstyle or style in the way your spouse dresses may be signs that there is someone else they are trying to impress. If a man makes a sudden shift from work boots and blues jeans to collared shirts and dress pants or from sweat pants and sneakers to three piece suits without changing jobs or having other obvious reasons for the change, there may be a good reason to believe there is another woman in his life. If a woman suddenly starts wearing five-inch heels instead of flats to work, she may be trying to get someone’s attention other than her husband. A new hair style, new perfume or cologne, or other changes in dress and style can be the first sign you should be concerned.

2. Cell phone insecurity

If he or she is overly protective of the cell phone and never leaves it unattended or out of their grasp they may be hiding something. If there are certain ringtones they never pick up for in your presence or the try to read text messages in a way that appears to hide the screen, you should be questioning why. Turning off the phone when you’re together or if he/she won’t even let you touch his/her phone, you have reason to be worried.

3. Changes in finances

If money starts becoming tight with new purchases or any new bills chances are there is some spending going on with someone else. If your partner suddenly starts signing up for new credit cards or suddenly wants separate checking accounts your cheating antenna should go up.

4. Change in sex drive

An apparent decrease in interest in sex or affection is a clear indicator that at the very minimum your relationship needs some TLC. It may indicate infidelity. Laurie Puhn, JD, a couples mediator in private practice in New York City makes this observation: “Essentially if your partner is pulling away from you.” Now, this could also be because he is focused on an upsetting job situation, financial stress, or a family health issue, but whatever the reason, you must bring it up soon, with warmth and tact. “Let him know that you noticed a difference and try to rekindle with daily hugs, warm smiles, a touch on the back and, of course, pursue sex. See if this opens the door to a warm heartfelt conversation.”

5. Social media habits

If you notice him/her spending more time than usual on social media, private messaging and texting you may have a cheater on your hands. If there are new accounts opened up or increased secrecy in the social media actions you should be asking questions about what’s really going on.

6. Working late often

Working late may be common for your spouse, but new patterns of work hours can be an indicator that they are spending time with someone else. If more hours are at the office are something new you should try to find out why.

7. Talking about the other person

Sometimes a clue that an affair is blooming presents itself in the form of an increase of conversation about the person they are interested in. Bringing up a name you are unfamiliar with and then following up with frequent stories about things that person says or does may mean the interest is more than friendship or colleagues.

There are many more signs or clues that can indicate something deceitful is going on. Often confronting your partner with your suspicions can illuminate the situation, whether by confession or by the nature of how they react. It’s important to remember that signs of cheating are not the same as proof of cheating.