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3 Things to know about divorce

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Here’s a shocker: Divorce sucks! It’s never easy no matter how far spouses have grown apart, the emotional, financial and physical strain of divorce can be devastating. Getting through a divorce may be easier if you’re informed about the process before it begins.

When a marriage ends, spouses and their children see their lives become filled with uncertainty: new living arrangements, parenting schedules, and decisions about property and money. The drama and/trauma of the process can often impair their ability to make sound decisions.

The research and statistical data on divorce is all over the place. One common “fact’ most of have heard is that in America, the divorce rate is 50%. However, there are many studies that refute that claim. Research reported in The New York Times suggests that about one-third of current marriages will end in divorce. A recent Business Insider article claimed that domestically, the divorce rate has been steadily declining since the 1980s. The U.S. Census Bureau found that divorce rates for most age groups have been dropping since 1996. When is comes to divorce, the cliche’ is ever present: It’s Complicated!

Whatever the real percentages are, there’s still a decent chance you and your partner will split up, even after pledging lifelong devotion to each other. Your divorced friends may give you advice about what to expect in your divorce. Unfortunately, the information and advice you get from other people can be misleading or wrong. There is no such thing as a typical divorce. Every divorce has a different set of issues.

 

Why statistics vary:

There are many factors to take into account that can make statistical analysis difficult. The more marriages and/or divorces you’ve had, the more likely you are to have another. Studying divorce can be a lot like studying evolution as trends and changes can take more than a lifetime to reveal themselves. Here are few stats that seem to represent the current era ranging from 1980 through 2017.

  • 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
  • 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
  • 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

 

Is There a Best Time To Marry?

Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor at the University of Utah, published a study which suggested that contrary to a long-held belief, waiting longer to wed doesn’t necessarily predict a stronger marriage.

While other studies make different claims, Wolfinger people who marry in their late 20’s stand the best chance of lifelong commitment.

Statistics and analysis aside, there are 3 absolute truths to know about divorce.

  1. Nobody wins a divorce case. No matter what your settlement or financial agreements may be, everyone loses something in a divorce. A lot of people start their divorce hoping to beat their spouse in court. With the help of a good attorney you may end up losing less, but you will lose something.
  2. Divorce effects your health. People who go through a divorce are more likely to have heart attacks. The New York Time, Alice Parks reported: “Women who divorced at least once were 24% more likely to experience a heart attack compared to women who remained married, and those divorcing two or more times saw their risk jump to 77%.”
  3. Children of divorced parents become scarred. While it’s difficult sometimes to say for sure whether children are better off with parents who are constantly fighting or parents that get divorced, it’s certain that divorce takes a toll on children, even in the most amicable cases. Parents going through divorce may want to consider asking an experienced mental health professional to counsel your children about the divorce and seek counseling for yourself as well, so you can learn how to address your children’s needs during this difficult process.

We often tend to think that statistics and studies can prepare us to avoid pitfalls. However, when it comes to marriage and divorce it doesn’t appear to hold true. Science often fails when applied to understanding human emotion.

 

Matthew Nappo

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